As a parent, you probably
already know all too well that kids make mistakes. As such, it shouldn’t come
as a shock to you that these mistakes transcend into the sports world. As a
parent of a young hockey player, you can expect your child to have some
blunders and shortcomings along the way. What really matters, however, is how
you and your child deal with those mistakes.
Kids have a tendency to become
frustrated and to want to give up after a mistake. If left unchecked,
First things first, you want to assess where
your child’s negative feelings are coming from. Kids tend to let accidents and
blunders roll off their shoulders for the most part, so if your child is
hanging on to even the smallest errors, other factors might be coming into
play. It could be that you yourself, a coach, or teammates are being too hard
on a child who doesn’t play perfectly. Or, maybe your child is struggling with
negative self image or self esteem. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to
get to the bottom of your child’s negative feelings and to attack them from the
root cause. There are some instances in which certain kids are just naturally
hard on themselves. When that’s the case, you can talk to your child about the
values of positive thinking and work to boost his or her self-perception. In
general, though, it’s usually the behaviors of others or even yourself that
needs to change to make a kid feel better.
Also make sure that you’re not negatively
reinforcing bad behaviors. If your child throws a tantrum after a loss or a bad
play, what do you do? If you swoop in with a cheer-up treat, hugs, or
consolation, you could be accidentally teaching your child that those behaviors
are okay and warrant comfort. Always focus on rewarding good behaviors, such as
positive, can-do attitudes, and reprimanding bad ones. It’s simple really. If
you don’t want to see a behavior repeated, don’t reward it (even accidentally).
It’s important to notice that we said
“reprimand” not “punish.” When you see a behavior or an attitude you don’t want
repeated, full-blown punishment usually isn’t the answer. Instead of taking
away a toy or making a child run laps or spend extra time practicing, talk to
him or her about the feelings that have caused the bad behavior. Once you
understand where those behaviors are coming from and can discuss with your
child why he or she isn’t dealing with those feelings in a positive way, then
you can actually put a real stop to those behaviors. Not only can you stop the
bad behavior, but you can help your child to find a way to cope with the
feelings that caused it. This- coping with negative feelings- is a skill that
will help your child not just with sports but with life in general.
Of course, kids aren’t always great at
vocalizing the complex feelings that lead into their negative actions. As such,
it’s important for you, as a parent, to understand and be able to identify some
of the driving forces behind bad behaviors. One of the most common, for
example, is perfectionism. If you notice your child gets angry at the slightest
mistake, is very hard on himself or herself, and never stops trying to perfect
and hone skills, you likely have a little perfectionist on your hands. These
kids are very tough on themselves and will never be satisfied with any
achievement. Nip this behavior in the bud quickly by praising even small
achievements and focusing on fun, not winning.
It’s also wise to check your own attitudes and
expectations. Nine times out of ten, the way your child reacts to mistakes has
a lot to do with the way you react to them. If you freak out and brood (even
silently- kids can tell these things) over losses or less-than-perfect plays,
chances are your kids will too. Also, if you’re putting a lot of pressure on
your little one to succeed, he or she will likely do the same. Youth hockey, at the
end of the day, is about fun and socialization. Keeping those things in mind
and working hard to make the sport a fun, no-pressure one is the key to getting
your child to take mistakes in stride.
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