As a youth hockey coach, I frequently deal with parents who
are unhappy with me for one thing or another. That’s one of my least favorite
jobs, but it just goes with the territory. One of the complaints I hear from
parents a lot is that they think their little one isn’t getting enough time on
the ice. Often, they’ll accuse me of “playing favorites” or overlooking their
child’s hard work and skill.
Even though it’s my job, as a coach, to remain calm and
address their concerns, I, of course, take some offense at these types of
comments. Not only do I wish that parents could trust me to do my job
correctly, but I want them to understand that I base my decisions on a variety
of factors, some of which they couldn’t accurately judge for the simple fact
that they don’t see everything I see. When I pick who to play, when, and for
how long, it’s usually based on a combination of these reasons:
l Having
a positive attitude
l Showing
good teamwork and cooperation
l Overall
improvement or improvement with a certain skill
l The
need to get some real world practice of a particular skill
l Overall
skill
I’d like to think that most coaches are basing their playing
decisions off of these reasons as well, but sadly, I know that’s not always the
case.
There are some coaches out there, coaches who give the rest
of us a bad name, who do play favorites. Maybe they are related to a child
they’re coaching and thus show that favoritism. Or, maybe they just lack the
training and experience to fairly judge who should play and when.
Then, of course, you have coaches who care about winning
above all else. They want the win, so they put in players who are likely to
win, regardless of how hard those players have worked or what their attitudes
are like. Obviously, this isn’t fair, but some coaches are either
winning-focused or are just trying to keep everyone happy by winning as often
as possible.
No matter the reasons behind this behavior, it’s wrong, and
it sends the wrong message to the players. When the coach is showing blatant
favoritism, it teaches them that who you know is more important than what you
know. When the coach is just putting in the best players, it offers no reward
for hard work, improvement, and determination, which, in the long run, are just
as important, if not more important, than skill.
Obviously, you don’t want your child learning these “lousy
lessons,” so, if you see a coach acting unfairly, there are a few things you
can do. To begin with, assess yourself. Make sure you’re not unfairly judging
the coach just because you’re angry that your child isn’t playing as often as
you’d like.
If you do think that you’re being accurate in your
assessment of the coach, encourage your player to talk with his coach about
what he can do to better himself and play more often. A good coach will give
real, honest advice; a truly bad one will just brush your player off. If this
happens, your only recourse is to talk to the coach yourself, but attempt to do
so calmly. Ask the coach about why he’s making the decisions he’s making. Don’t
assume, threaten, or berate in any way.
If you do all these things in the right way, the coach might
change, and, if he doesn’t, then you’ll need to reassess whether that
particular team is right for your child. At the end of the day, the most
important thing is to handle yourself with dignity and to make the best
decisions for your child so that he can learn the RIGHT life lessons.
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