Just about every hockey team in the world has a select few
players on it who are considered the “favorites.” Think of your child’s hockey team. Chances are you can name off those few players who are always called on
to start, who play every game, who get all of the coach’s attention, and who
are
essentially the “stars of the show.” Maybe your kid is one of them and
maybe he or she isn’t. Either way, playing favorites isn’t a good thing.
Nine times out of ten, the “favorites” are the ones who are
easy and pleasant for the coach to deal with. Common characteristics of a
favorite often include:
- Players
who are always on time and who come to every practice
- Players
who have pleasant/popular personalities
- Players
who play well and score often
- Players
who follow directions
- Players
who quickly learn from and improve upon mistakes
These are the ideal players, right? That may be the case,
but they are also the players who need the most attention and who get the least
of it. If you see favorite-playing happening on your team, you may want to
bring it up with the coach. Don’t expect your talk to do too much good though.
Favorite-playing is, in many ways, natural and inescapable. People like who
they like, and even the best and most well-intentioned coaches will often
accidentally and unconsciously let their preferences be known.
For this reason, it’s wise to talk with your child about
this behavior. Explain to him or her that “having favorites” is somewhat
normal, if not ideal. If your child isn’t a “favorite,” teach the child not to
take it personally, and if he or she does, explain to the child that that
doesn’t make him “better” than any of the other players and that others still
deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
Also, be watchful of your child’s behavior. If your child
isn’t a favorite and you notice bad behavior, the child may be acting out to
gain attention. When this is the case, you need to have a talk about the
difference between positive and negative attention and how to gain the former.
On the other hand, if your child has developed a “big head,” you’ll need to
discuss that with him too. There is such a thing as too much confidence!
Finally, remember that, while some favorite playing is
normal, there is a limit. If the coach’s behavior is taking a toll on your
child’s growth and confidence, is blatant and disrespectful, or equals an
all-around poor playing and team experience for your child, it may be time to
find a different team and coach.
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