Whether it’s happened to your own child or to another
athlete you know, “self-sabotage” is a real thing among young hockey players.
There’s the player who practices so hard and so much that he’s completely burnt
out come game time. Then you have the player who sets impossible goals and then
acts disappointed and surprised when he finds he can’t possibly reach them.
Self-destruction takes a lot of different forms, but more often than not, it’s
due, in large part, to a fear of failure.
Take the two examples mentioned above. In the first, you
have a player who is working hard to reach his or her goals. The player is so
scared of not reaching those goals, however, that he works harder and harder to
the point of exhaustion, actually preventing and sabotaging his dreams from
ever
When a young hockey player is battling fear of failure,
possible symptoms may include:
l Anxiety
l Stress
over scores
l Stress
over reaching goals
l High
personal standards
l Perfectionism
l Putting
oneself down when a mistake is made or a goal isn’t reached
l Lack
of “fun” and “joy” as they relate to the sport
Just as the fear of failure is a real and troubling
phenomenon among young athletes, you also have those who struggle with the fear
of success. That might sound crazy at first. After all, who would ever be
scared of being successful? Well, in truth, a lot of young players deal with
stress and anxiety over what might happen if they become too good at
their sport of choice.
When you think of success, you might think of all of the
positive benefits your child would experience as a result of his or her
achievements. Your child, however, might think of the additional
responsibilities, practice times, publicity, attention, and other stresses that
go along with achievement. Young athletes who are scared of success often
self-sabotage in the same ways as those who are scared of failure. Or some just
plain stop trying their hardest, letting their games suffer in the
process.
Whether it’s fear of success or failure or something in
between, today’s young athletes struggle with a lot of fear in general. Common
fears expressed by hockey kids include:
l Fear
of losing a game, especially a big or important one
l Fear
of disappointing their parents, coaches, and/or teammates
l Fear
of being viewed negatively by their peers
l Fear
of losing love and attention if they play poorly or lose
l Fear
or being an embarrassment to one’s self or others
l Fear
of “not having what it takes” to be successful
l Fear
of being negatively compared to teammates
l Fear
or rejection
l Fear
of working hard and still not being “perfect”
This fear culture is far too prevalent in today’s youth
sports, and the pressures we put on our kids has a lot to do with it. By
focusing on the fun and joy of the game and not on winning and by praising our
kids no matter how they perform, we can reduce fear in our young athletes.
Other things we can do to stop our children from feeling so scared include:
l Talking
with our kids about their fears openly and honestly.
l Focusing
on what our kids do well
l Focusing
on improving for improvement’s sake, not for the sake of “being the best” or
winning
l Explaining
why perfectionism is never a good choice and how it sets athletes up for
failure
If you can follow these tips and keep open communication
with your young hockey player, you can help him or her to escape the “fear culture”
of youth hockey and to get back to the fun parts!
No comments:
Post a Comment