When Your Child Isn't Competitive

Parents worry about all kinds of things when it comes to their kids. They worry when their children are too competitive and too into winning, and they worry when they’re not competitive at all. If you’ve got a child in the latter category- one who could care less whether his hockey team wins or loses- you might think this is cause for concern, but don’t worry; it’s not!   

It’s actually, believe it or not, a good thing if your child isn’t all that into winning. As long as the child is having fun, actively playing the game, and actively participating in the game, it’s totally fine if he doesn’t get all “fired up” about winning. This is a good indicator that your child has been taught to play hockey for the sheer joy of playing and not just for the thrill of winning.

Of course, if your child isn’t actively playing the game and, in fact, during games and practices, looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, then you might have cause for concern. Have an open and honest conversation with your child about how he’s feeling, and if it turns out that he’s just not that into hockey, period, it may be time to look into other hobbies at least for a while.

All too often, today’s kids feel forced into playing hockey by overly enthusiastic parents, and they often don’t want to tell their parents how they really feel for fear of disappointing dear old Mom and Dad. Make sure your child feels comfortable talking to you about anything…even if that “anything” is a lack of love for hockey.

If it turns out that your child does want to quit hockey, let him. This is the only way to have even a chance at one day developing a love for the game. Forcing him to play regardless will just teach your child that you don’t value his feelings and will lead to resentment for you and true hatred for the very sport you wanted him to love!

Do Kids Really Thrive on Competition

You may have been taught, at some point in your life, that people naturally love competition. If you have been taught this, though, you should know that it’s not necessarily true. While some people certainly do love the thrill of competition, others are not really interested in being the “best” or even “better” than anyone else.     

This same thing goes for kids. Contrary to popular belief, not all kids love competition. All kids DO love to play (though, of course, not all kids love to play sports, but that’s another matter), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they enjoy competition itself.

So, before you sign your child up for youth hockey or any other competitive activity, consider whether or not your child actually enjoys competition. As hard as it may be to admit, especially if you’ve always dreamed of having little athletes in the family, if your child doesn’t enjoy competing with others, then standard sports teams may not be the way to go for your little one.

If your child is already signed up for sports and complains that he or she doesn’t like it, you don’t have to immediately yank your child off the team, but you should strive to find out what, exactly, he or she doesn’t like.

See, the fact of the matter is that some kids, even those who claim not to like sports, actually just dislike hardcore, high-pressure competition, which, let’s face it, really shouldn’t exist in kids’ sports!

If your child complains about feeling pressured or worried or like he or she can’t just have fun, then it may not be that your child needs to quit sports but, instead, that your child needs to find a new, less rigorous team to play on- one that is about fun and growth, rather than about winning.

At the end of the day, you may find that your child doesn’t like sports, period. Or, you may find that your children enjoy sports but not in a competitive way. You might also find that your child loves sports and loves competing. Any and all of these things are okay. What’s not okay, however, is forcing your child to do or be something he or she is not.

As long as you honor how your child feels about competing, then you can rest assured that you’re doing the right thing when it comes to being a good parent!

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