Parent and Player Goals are not One in the Same

All too often, the parents of young hockey players often assume that their goals and their children’s goals are the same. However, in my years of experience as a youth hockey coach, I have found that nothing could be further from the truth in many cases.   

When I’ve asked my young players what their goals are when it comes to hockey, the most common answer is to “have fun.” The kids want to play for the sheer joy and fun of the game.

Sadly, the parents’ goals tend to be focused on things like winning, reaching certain levels, or gaining certain abilities. And, while there’s nothing wrong with wanting these things, it’s important to remember that the kids actually have it right; winning should never be the main focus, and skill building isn’t something that can be forced. It is something that will and should happen naturally and that will happen more easily if kids are allowed to have fun and be kids in the process.

The fact that parents’ and kids’ goals are not aligned is made abundantly clear when I’ve asked my young players what they dislike about hockey. Often, they’ll talk about how much they hate getting yelled at, being criticized, or just plain “mean” parents.

The bottom line is that the parents’ goals really shouldn’t matter to put it bluntly. What matters is the child and what he or she wants out of the game. If kids are left to be free and to have fun playing, their goals will eventually become more sophisticated on their own. The child may end up wanting to develop or improve specific skills, to win more, to play more, or even to become a professional player. But, at the end of the day, it is the child who must set and work toward these goals, without outside pressure, if they are actually going to be obtainable or to matter in the first place.

Go For the Goal

Original NHL logo, used until 2005. A version of the logo features it in the shape of a hockey puck. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Does your child dream of one day becoming a famous hockey star? While that’s a great dream to have and to nurture, it’s important to be realistic and to understand that, unfortunately, when it comes to actually reaching this goal and playing for the NHL, the chances of that actually happening are quite slim.

That’s not to say, of course, that you should discourage your little one from dreaming big. On the contrary, you should want your child to work hard to reach his goals. However, it is also smart to help your child set smaller, more realistic goals, goals that, once attained, will make him a better player and ultimately give him a better shot of one day making it big.

Product goals, which are focused on outcomes, are great goals to start with. Maybe your child wants to play in most games, to get promoted to team captain, or to become a first-line player. Whatever the result-oriented goal your child chooses, you can then work with him to set smaller, more easily attainable goals to work toward the big-picture goal.This will teach your child a wonderful lesson about goal setting, how it works, and how to slowly work his way toward a larger goal.

Kids also tend to do well with setting process goals, goals that are focused on their own performance. Maybe their goal is simply to never miss a practice or to engage in one extra practice session per week. Whatever the case may be, goals that get kids thinking about their own performance and the control that they have over it are wise ones.

Finally, don’t underestimate one of the simplest but most effective goals of all- the goal for kids to give it their all at each and every game and practice and to always do their best. It’s a basic goal, yes, but it’s also one that, if met, can go a long way toward helping a child to actually perform at his best consistently…and maybe even have a shot at the pros one day!

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